The Sedated Ape

Dear potential travellers,

For years St Louis has been known as “The Gateway To The West”.  But what many travelers don’t know is that St Louis is also “The Gateway Back To The East If You Don’t Like It There”!

 And coming in the summer of 2010 St Louis will have roads leading both to the North and South! So you will soon be able to travel in all four cardinal directions from the convenience of metro St Louis!

We would like to remind you that when visiting St Louis it’s important that you keep moving. With so many people using St. Louis as a gateway to the West, East, North and South people coming to a stop would clog everything up.

 So if you’re looking for a gateway to any of the four major directions please consider using St Louis!

Thank You,

Francis G. Slay

Mayor

and certainly not in the shade.

You know what really annoys me?  Almost everything.  But one of the things that annoys me is when I come up with an idea that I kinda like and  then do a google search and find out that  five million people have already had the same  idea a long time ago.

This is one of those things. In my defense,  at the time made it I didn’t know about other (mostly better rendered) versions.  I made this one-

From itunes comments for Lost…

(Words people put into a search engine to get to this page)

black people dancing, painting

abe vigoda running political ads

youtube freak bigfoot,, what seems like an ape
fucks redhead, backsides toads.

.government photos of elvis and priscilla
worlds fattest racist pig

cannibal apes piss on
my decayed teeth
and your pretty smile

walt disney is a racist
gona be a big star…black face
love watermelon & fried chicken too

two male lions lice removal
I would be lion if you weren’t my valenttine

brides running away 2 the black guy who wears a clock …
might as well live it up

If someone says that you remind them of sometime from a TV show or a movie that you haven’t seen, don’t see it. You’re just going to be insulted.

Over about the past two years or so four different people had told me that I remind them of Dr. House from the TV show House.

I had never seen the show until I got the DVD’s about a month ago.

I’m not a brilliant doctor with  amazing deductive gifts. I don’t use a cane. I can’t play any musical instrument. We’re both tall, but other than that me and Hugh Laurie look nothing alike.

So, I’m pretty sure all they were saying is that I’m a sarcastic,narcissistic misanthropic, impatient curmudgeon with no developed social skills  who takes way too many pain pills and never shaves.

That’s fair enough, I suppose. But it’s annoying that they just couldn’t have came right out and just told me that. It would have saved me about 200 dollars in DVD box sets

My fabulous web page turned three years  old the other day.  Time flies when sleep 12-15 hours a day.

The first thing I wrote here was this : Everything I needed to know about life, I learned in Kindergarten: If you go to the bathroom in your pants, they let you go home

That was actually based in truth. When I was in preschool I would intentionally piss on myself so they would call my mother to come get me. It wasn’t a long term solution though. Eventually the teacher brought in some emergency back-up pants that they made me wear after my “accidents”. The back-up pants were brown, corduroy and much too big for me.

So, I lost the battle. But I won the war. Eventually I talked my parents into letting me drop out of preschool. I guess even back then my parents must have known that me and education would never be a very good match.

These are real -

3 – “Come see my bearded clam”. There are very few things you can call a vagina that would make it sound unappealing, but calling it your “bearded clam” is one of them. Also avoid calling it:  “The Ole salmon cannery”, “McCunt” or “Lil’ Hillary”.

2- “Surprise! You’ll Be Fucking a Midget Today!”… As far as surprises go that one would be hard to beat.

1- ““Some diseased bitch just sneezed all over me”… In fact, that may very well be my favorite sentence  of any type.  I can’t imagine why I ever would, but if I were to write my autobiography The title is going to be:“Some Diseased Bitch Just Sneezed All Over Me – The Tony Myers Story”

Someone got me a shirt for Christmas. I usually end up getting a lot of clothes. I’m not complaining. If people didn’t give me clothes my entire wardrobe  would only consist of  shirts that I bought at baseball game gift-shops and t-shirts that have Zippy The Pinhead on them. Also,  pants.

But that’s not what I want to tell you about.  This is the tag from the shirt i got this year:

Here is a picture of the shirt.  That’s not me,  of course.  And mine is black and not some faggy teal color.

Nothing ordinary about a guy like that, no sir!  Guys who wear short  sleeve polo shirts are  rebels who make up their own rules! Men  with the guts to wear shirts like that  live their whole lives on the edge of the edge!

That’s the type shirt that says:  Screw you  and your middle class values!  I reject your bourgeois,  closed minded,  middle class ideas of the ordinary! Does my shirt make a square like you uncomfortable?  Too “in your face”?  Tough, deal with it!  Who are you to judge me?!!   You can’t stop me – I’m moving too fast.  It’s just how I roll!!  So just  hang on and enjoy the ride,  bitches!!!”