The Sedated Ape

I told the witch doctor you didn’t love me true. I told the witch doctor you didn’t love me nice. And then the witch doctor, he gave me this advice. He said to …

Ooo eee, ooo ah ah ting tang
Walla walla, bing bang
Ooo eee, ooo ah ah ting tang
Walla walla, bing bang…
Ooo eee, ooo ah ah ting tang
Walla walla, bing bang
Ooo eee, ooo ah ah ting tang
Walla walla, bing bang

That just isn’t very practical advice. I took it to the pharmacy, to see if it was the name of some sort of anti-depressant I never heard of before, but the people at the drug store couldn’t make any sense of it either. It’s just gibberish.

Even if I wanted to follow the advice I have no idea how to Ooo eee, ooo ah ah ting tang Walla walla, bing bang Ooo eee, ooo ah ah ting tang Walla walla, bing bang.  It doesn’t make sense! There aren’t even any verbs! You need verbs!

I guess the Walla Walla part refers to the city in Washington state, but what the hell am I supposed to do once I get there? Frankly I don’t see how he could have ever got a license to work as a couples therapist in the first place.

This is the last time I pick a shrink based solely on the advice of a Pop-up ad. Even if he was referred by Dr. Demento.

I went to a church school for a little while. It wasn’t really all that different from normal schools.

 One thing that was  different was the safety drills. The fire and tornado drills were easier. In case of a fire or tornado we were supposed to quickly but calmly renounce our sins and accept Christ as your personal savior.

 We also had a rapture drill. My job was to go into the boy’s room and make sure there was no one in the stalls. You don’t want to ascend into Heaven with your pants around your ankles.

I’ve had that problem myself once in awhile, but is it really something for them to brag about in a commercial?

Of course they’re “2-Go”.   All condoms are to go. If you try using them in the drug store, they’ll have you arrested.

One of the selling points of this brand is that the rubbers “fit in your pocket”. If you’re so large that your condoms can’t  fit into your pocket you don’t need condoms at all, because no woman will ever let you put it in her.

I don’t  see how that’s a big deal – several women have told me the same exact thing even when I wasn’t wearing one.

The Mayan calendars were so advanced that they were able to predict the end of the world to the exact day – Dec. 21, 2012.

It’s really amazing that as far back as a thousand years ago they were able to foresee the end of times, but were completely caught off guard by small pox and gun powder.

I mean, it’s a guide BY Sedated Ape. You don’t need any special advice to survive this web page. It’s not that intense.　

Body Signals

When an aircraft is close enough for the pilot to see you clearly, use body movements or positions to convey a message.

Change radio station

Touchdown!

He did it! Him!

Send tired, poor huddled masses

Russian folk dancing Sat. 8pm

Dead

Table for two, right this way

Clean you windshield for a buck?

Love the pilot this much

Doing the wave.

Black Power

Drying pubic hair

Bonus  advice from The Army’s survival guide – You can get up to 17 quarts of milk from a dead walrus. Really.You can get up to 17 boxes of Fruit Loops from a dead guy in a Toucan Sam costume at grocery store grand opening

I like to look at what words people put into google to get to my page. Yesterday, I found the best one in a long time…

A few previews of some of the exciting  adventures coming soon to the pages of Mark Trail…

And a crossover….

Gary is this guy I know that never leaves the gas station. I’ve written about him a couple of times.

http://sedatedape.com/2007/02/02/51/   was the first one. You probably should read that post first  so this one will make a little sense.

 Real conversation

Gary – You got a table?

Me- Yeah. Well, not with me but….

 Gary: Is it any good?

Me: Well, I’ve had it awhile, but it’s still pretty flat so …

 Gary: I got one I’m giving away.  I decided I don’t like tables anymore.

This is the universally accepted  symbol for anarchy.  The fact  that  a  universally accepted  symbol for anarchy even exists seems very wrong to me, but it doesn’t seem to bother anyone else.