Big news – I had to go to three Target’s and a Wal-Mart, but I have just bought enough underwear to wear a brand new pair everyday from now until this time next year! Actually I bought 400, so I have one for every day and 35 emergency back-up pairs.
I guess this may seem extravagant to a lot of you. In fact, besides myself, I know of only one other person who does this… and his name just happens to be MR. TOM JONES!
So I know this isn’t for everyone , but I just feel like my loins deserve the very best. I’m not even going to take them off in the conventional way. I’m just going to cut the old pair off every day. Then I’m going to sell the cut up pair on ebay, dated and signed (not necessarily by me. I‘m a busy man. I don‘t always have time to write stuff on my underwear) . There will be a reasonable reserve price, of course.
I even got a new knife at Eddie Bauer just for this. It has a built in light in the handle in case I ever want to cut off my underwear when it’s dark.
I’m looking for ideas on the best way to build an underwear dispensing machine. I would either like a system that works like a Kleenex box – a new pair will just pop up when you pull one out. The other idea would be to make it work like a toaster – a new pair would shoot up when you pressed a lever, something like that. There also should be some sort of heating element so my underwear would always remain warm and toasty. When it dispenses a new pair I think it would be cool to have it play either the “2001: Space Odyssey music” or ”Fanfare For The Common Man”. The machine should be either made of Burl Walnut or Red Oak.
And no veneer. I don’t live in a trailer, I want my underwear machine to be high class all the way.
