Tony Myers — Sedatedape@gmail.com
The whole gay marriage thing is pretty stupid. Why would anyone ever want to get married to someone who isn’t even pregnant?
Most people who are in favor of gay marriage don’t seem to understand that gay marriage isn’t going to be a choice. It’s going to be mandatory! You’ll have to marry a gay guy whether you want to or not!
If you’re like me, every few weeks you like to leave the house, check the mailbox and get caught up with what’s happening with the common man.
Whenever I do, I can’t help but notice that there are a whole lot of guys walking around loose that are just nuts. And a lot of them don’t even seem to know that they’re crazier than a barn owl. I try to tell them they are , but mostly they just get hostile about it when I bring it up. I want to help them, but it’s hard.
At First I would just force feed them lithium and paxil. But with most of those drugs they have to take it every day for weeks before it works. That’s a problem because by the third or fourth day they’ll just run whenever they see me.
I don’t have the time to go through Freudian analysis with all of them – this is only a half assed commitment for me.
So, the only option is electric shock. The down side to that is that I can’t really do it like they do in the hospital. I can’t go around with all that equipment and still sneak up on them – it needs to be portable.
I’m going to try to get one of those paddle things medics use to shock people who are having a heart attack off of eBay. I figure it might do some good to just sneak up on them and give them a jolt to both temples.
It might not work, but they have a lot more to lose in this than I do, so I think it’s worth a shot.
One, The “if you piss on something it then belongs to you” rule only works for dogs, not people.
Two, If I get within 500 feet of Harrah’s Casino they’ll have me arrested.
I’ve looked into it quite a bit, and I’m pretty sure that the only two things you can hit with a stick and get candy from are piñatas and vending machines. I’m going to keep on hitting all sorts of other stuff with sticks though. Even if it is a long-shot, it’s worth the effort to look for a new candy source.
I know it’s tacky to talk about how you give money to charities, but I did give five dollars to the Shriner’s so they can take kids who are dying to the circus. I’m happy to do it, but there’s one catch.
If they ever discover a cure and the kid gets better once he gets old enough to get a job I want him to send me the five dollars back. I’ll be damned if I’d going to buy a ticket to the circus for a kid who’s going to be alive fifty years from now.
From now on I’m just going to vote for the guy who I feel is the least likely to break into my house and try on all my clothes while I’m at the grocery store. It took me three years to get Jimmy Carter to stop doing that and I’ll be damned if I’m going through all that again.
An eccentric millionaire dies and leaves his entire fortune to a distant relative he never met, but there is one catch. In order to claim the inheritance the man and his family would all have to spend a week in a haunted house. But, while the old man was making out his will, the pages of his address book stuck together. So the family ended up spending a relaxing week at a nice bed and breakfast in upstate New York.
I’m thinking Tom Hanks would be good in the role of “groundskeeper” at the bed and breakfast.
I’m raising money for a war memorial for guys who were too fat to get into the army. I think it’s about time we thanked those guys who would have gladly made the ultimate sacrifice for our country if they only were able to have a little bit of self control and restraint regarding their food intake.
The Zodiac killer said that he killed all those people so he could get slaves for the afterlife.Ok, yeah, that sounds like a good idea but he never seemed to understand how horrible the attitude of his slaves would be
”Sorry your breakfast is cold, maybe I could have gotten it faster if you hadn’t hooked up my balls to a car battery back on Earth”. ……”Oh, you wanted decaf? It’s hard for me to tell the pots apart since you poked my eyes out with a curling iron”.
Who needs to deal with that kinda attitude from their slaves?
