Tony Myers — sedatedape@aol.com
Since this page gets more hits than any other, I feel I should explain something. When they ask people who they’re going to vote it’s called a POLL. P-O-L-L. It’s not the same thing a a POLE. If you keep this in mind your web searches will be more fruitful .
That’s not what this page is about - “Political Poles” is just a dick joke
Poor Tipper
The weather was nice yesterday so I went to the batting cages for the first time in a long time. That’s about the closest thing to exercise I can be bothered with.
But they had cheap aluminum bats with the foam grips worn off, so now I got blisters on my hands. It hurts to brush my teeth.
Then I remembered seeing this thing on the discovery channel about a girl who was born without arms who could use her feet to brush her teeth. What the hell, worth a shot.
Turns out that kid is a real bitch. She’ll only brush HER teeth like way , she wouldn’t come over and brush mine. I was even going to tip her if she did a good job of it.
You wouldn’t think some crippled freak would be so damn selfish.
It is frustrating to co-workers to learn that someone is working with them for some reason other than money, especially the guys who work at the morgue.
They’re all “You cant be back here” and “Pull up your pants” and “You’ve never really worked here” and “Didn’t you understand the restraining order?”
I said, “Hey, guys there’s no “I” in team, and you never see the guys at the firehouse chasing off their volunteers. Plus they get free t-shirts and a light for the top of their car. You guys haven’t given me anything and you even won’t let me take some of the stuff home with me after the rest of you guys are finished with it.”
What a bunch of stuck-up ungrateful pricks.
I just realized that I’m 16 years too old to be in Menudo. I don’t sing and I’m not Mexican. And I never really wanted to be into Menudo. I guess I just liked that the option was always there. Like if things didn’t work out I could always say “screw it, I don’t need this shit, I’m joining Menudo”. It was like a back up plan. Now I’m diving without my reserve parachute.
My all time favorite song is “The Chipmunk Song“. I like the idea of it more than the actual song.
David Seville, the guy who did it, sat down at the piano to write a song and the first lines he got were “Okay you Chipmunks! Are you ready to sing this song?!!”
That’s as surreal as it gets. And this was before LSD was popular.
99% of the time when someone wrote “Okay you Chipmunks..” they’d lock him away. He beat the odds and I admire that.
I’ve always found that I’ve gotten along better with blind girls. Girls with olfactory damage are even better, but they’re harder to find.
In movies like “Armageddon” when everyone thinks the asteroid is gonna destroy the earth there will always be a scene where reporters are telling people there’s no hope for mankind. The strange thing about that is that even though the world is about to end these reporters decided to show up for work. “ “The end of the world” seems like it would have “sick day” written all over it.
The whole Nathan Hale quote was “I regret that I have but one life to give for my country, so if you guys could postpone killing me I’d like to find a way to get some extra lives so I could give them too. How about it?”
Here’s a good tip if you ever try writing ballets “be sure to remember to add lots of dancing’
There are over 350 Motel 6’s in the U.S. Apparently the guy who started the company had no imagination and very poor math skills.
I bet cannibals, if they have a choice, will always pick the most attractive people to eat first. I would.
On the tv show Cops why do they always say “Cops if filmed live as it happens”? Is there any other way to film something? I don’t think the technology exist for us to record the past or the future yet.
I’ve always been sorta cynical but it’s been getting worse. Now whenever I see that a whole bunch of people died somewhere my first thought is always “plenty more where that came from”.
The very best thing about being an adult is that nobody can make you sing in public if you don’t want to. Sex is a pretty good thing too.
The only difference between a nursing home and a Nazi concentration camp is that that the Nazis didn’t generally take that long to finish you off.
They actually call being on drugs “substance abuse’. How much more vague can you get? There was a substance involved. A substance is: physical material from which something is made or which has discrete existence. He had a substance abuse problem. His problem dealt with matter, that’s all we know.
MTV used to have public service commercials where a man is beating up on his wife, in slow motion to make it seem more tragic, and the voice over says “enough is enough, stop the violence”. Enough is enough. I mean it’s OK to beat her a little, but don’t go overboard. Just a few kidney punches, that’s all. MTV says beat responsibly.
They actually sell bullets at “Casey’s” convenience stores . So you can buy the bullet to shoot the clerk and shoot the clerk without having to make two stops. That’s something.
The road to hell is paved with good intentions. So what’s the option? Be malicious with the worst of intentions to avoid damnation?
I like when someone quotes someone famous and they tell you when they were born and died. Like “A penny saved is a penny earned” - Ben Franklin 1706-1790. See, when they do it that I don’t waste most of the afternoon trying to call the guy up on the phone to see what he meant by that.
Know what you get when you try to cross a Buddhist monk and a sixteen year old blond cheerleader? Arrested for procurement of a minor, that’s what you get. Trust me on this one.
They teach girls to not put out before they get married by telling them “no one is going to buy the cow when they get the milk for free”. That might be a valid argument if there were no such things as steaks and pot roasts.
I think life is a lot like a reality show- we all have to go through all kinds of trials and challenges , but if you can overcome all that you get a life full of great “prizes”. And if I ever find a way to get a gun there’s going to be a whole lot of people voted off the island in a big hurry.
I’m trying to save water. Whenever I have to use the restroom I just sit there until I have to go again. That way I don’t have to flush twice. It’s a solution that isn’t for everybody, but I don’t have much else going on and it kills a lot of time.
I go to the track a lot, but not when they have harness racing - that’s where instead of riding on the horses the horses pull the jockey on a little buggy/chariot thing. I think that’s dumb. It would be like making Olympic sprinters carry their luggage with them while they run.
In the Steve Miller “space cowboy” song there’s something about the lyrics that is overlooked a lot of the time. If they have space cowboys, do you know what that implies? Space Cows, that’s what!
A guy on the radio was telling people that they shouldn’t keep their money in cash because the money is just paper and only as secure as long as the country is strong . It has no intrinsic value in and of itself. Instead you should keep it in gold or other pretty shiny rocks.
My favorite foods are those orange sherbet push up things and Fruity Pebbles cereal. Is it a bad sign when everything you want to eat has a picture of Fred Flintstone on the wrapper?
I used to have a girlfriend but she was afraid to commit …to a specific time and place to ever see me again.
I was looking around Barnes & Noble today. A woman was looking for something in the same section I was. When a clerk walked by she asked her if they had “The Diary of Anne Frank”. She had been looking in the humor section. That lady must have a pretty wild sense of humor.
People are soft nowadays. Back around the turn of the century people were willing to work all day for a quarter. Mostly though it was just the hardcore coin collectors that did that.
You know how people say they’re going to laugh all the way to the bank? Only do that if you’re making a deposit. They won’t approve you for a loan if you can’t keep a straight face.
You never seem to hear of a golf ball describes as the size of a hailstone.
One of the best things about the internet is finding out how wholesome you really are compared to the other freaks out there.
I got a DVD that has some of the Batman movie serials they made back in the 1940’s. Superheroes have came a long, long way since then.Stately Wayne manner appeared, from the outside, to be in a tract home in a suburb. It’s nice, but it looks like something a middle manager at a dairy queen could afford.
The bat mobile is just a plain old 1939 Cadillac convertible. It’s a nice car, but superheroes shouldn’t be able to get their vehicles right off the lot. And they ought to be able to afford to not have to drive a four year old car. They drive the bat-mobile right out of the garage at the front of Bruce Wayne’s house. In costume. The exact same car Bruce Wayne drives during the day. Back in the 40’s keeping your identity secret depended a lot on having neighbors who don’t notice very much.
Alfred had to look outside to check and see if the bat signal was on. I guess he just had to keep checking several times a day to be safe. And I don’t know how batman was alerted in the daytime, but I’m not sure if that was explained in the recent movies either.
Robin “The Boy Wonder” appears to be in his late 30’s.
Spandex has been a big step up for superheroes. In the serials batman’s costume looks to be a sweat suit. And his mask makes him look more like a kitty than a bat.
The crime they solve has to do with recovering a machine that controls vehicles automatically. I guess I can see that might be a useful thing for criminals to have (who doesnt enjoy RC racing?) but the machine runs on diamonds. That’s is a pretty severe design flaw. You’d think just keeping the diamonds would give you a higher profit margin. That’s like heating your home by burning 20 dollar bills.
