Tony Myers — sedatedape@aol.com
I once got the autograph of an Elvis impersonator. He signed it “Elvis”, not with his real name. I’m not sure why exactly, but for some reason that makes it seem even worse.
I wasn’t the only one doing it. I was just standing and saw a group of other people getting autographs and I guess just by instinct I thought that if other people wanted one I should too. I blame peer pressure
It wasn’t until I got back to my seat that I realized what I had done
The problem with schools is that they keep sending kids mixed messages.
Back in the third grade they told us that if you try really hard you can be anything you want be when you grow up. Then the teacher asked us to write a paragraph about what we wanted to be. But when I got up in class to read my paper the teacher told me that my goal of becoming omniscient wasn’t realistic, and that technically it didn’t even count as an occupation .
Way to crush my dreams, Mrs. Culp!
In retrospect I guess she probably was right. I’m 34 now and I’m still not omniscient.
At least I don’t think I am. And if you’re not 100% sure if you’re omniscient or not that probably means that you’re not. It’s a bit of a Catch 22
I used to fib and put “omniscience” down as a qualification on job applications and things like that. Everyone fudges a bit on that kinda stuff . And I still think omniscience looks pretty damn impressive on your résumé. Plus I figured that it would be pretty hard for them to check up on something like that.
It never worked for me though. I guess most places didn’t believe me.
Or maybe they just thought that a all knowing deity would be overqualified to work at Dairy Queen.
The Shamwow is made in Germany. I feel that creating a product this wonderful is Germany’s way of saying “I’m Sorry”. And while I can’t speak for the people who died in the Holocaust , (Well, - I guess I actually could speak for them, but when I’ve done so in the past a lot of the families complained) for me personally, I just want to tell Germany “Thank you - apology accepted - From now on we’ll call it even!”.
This is Kath. Kath is a very fat person who posted 31 videos of herself/himself lip syncing and making odd faces.
I’m not going to post a direct link to them because I’d rather that she didn’t find out that she is the first winner of “YouTube Freak Of The Week”. Some people might take that the wrong way. But if you go to youtube and search for the words “Kath” and “Lehrer” you’ll find them easy enough.
I’m sure there are plenty of people making dumb videos of themselves lip syncing. What makes these special is all the comments people left. It must be a very sad day when you post a video of yourself and everyone gets into an argument over your gender.
Some of the comments people left about the videos:
this is sh**…this guy/gal (i don’t know what sex IT is!) is crap and ugly…omfg the dinosaurs have come back!
It’s a she?
haha…you are you a guy or a chick, you like look like dyke/transvesitte lmao
u look mental lol no offence. but you are good at lip syncing
that is a boy right?? but called kath?
thats a fuckin woman! lol
and to the guy that says its a women, get a grip mate
that’s not a girl. is it?
fat ppl are hard to tell gender like this poor fat basterd…
I agree with Java4422 and sorry why is your name kath you are clearly a boy you dick head!!!!
what are you? boy or girl?
Never knew Andy Milonakis had a sister….or brother…or whatever that thing is.
uhm…I think it’s a woman…
omdg how horrible…r u sure dats a gal?? he/she alert!
Guy?!
You look like a fucking heshe. GET A LIFE YA FUCKTARD!
Read the title, it’s some girl named Kath… I’ll leave it at that as anything else I say can be considered offensive (to her).
dude,are you a boy or a girl?
but dude or whatever you are. stop making vids
Kath? U sure…? U look like kevin!
like the early bird i would like to catch your worm. you handsome piece of lard.
You mean thats a woman? Could’ve fooled me..
I’m assuming a woman because his/her name is “Kath”, short for Katherine?…ummm…i
thought it was a really camp guy!
OMG! THATS A WOMEN! LOOOOL!
he or she?
I couldn’t figure out if it was a boy or girl but the necklace gave it away!!!!!!!
lol its pretty obvious shes a girl!! u guys blind!? h
is that person a boy or girl?
he/she cant lipsing evidentally
male or female?
It’s a lady!!
really sorry but is that a man or lady?!
Yeah, Yeah, Dude Looks Like Lady that Looks a lot like a dude…. I mean, dude!
durr…. sorry… The hair. I also don’t have my glasses on… I AM SO SORRY! Also I thought that usually dudes do this song. I AM SO SORRY!
This guy looks like a girl
PS - I like the phrase “you handsome piece of lard” a lot.
PPS - I’m not going to make one of these every week - I’m just calling this “Freak of the Week” because it rhymes.
Hey, remember when I wrote about this idea I had : Project. if you’re too lazy to click the link basically I was going to sell a book version of the first year of this web page. I wasn’t going to sell it at a profit, I’d just charge whatever the vanity press people charged me for a press run.
Well, I looked into it, and per book it would end up costing me $237 since only two people said they would want one.
You cheap bastards.
But at least I’m getting some of the credit I deserve. I’ve just been awarded the Nobel Prize for Blogging. Lets see that page with the pictures of cats saying stuff top this!
(Words people put into a search engine to get to this page)
How to tell if your ape is sick,
bed-ridden Richard Simmons?
looking for cliff notes on the encyclopedia.
I want to make lye soap like they did
In a country with very short stuff
horniest women
stealing people’s mail
lap dancer getting baptized
using only her lungs
what did people eat during the enlightenment?
racist mice
no testicles….
ape dressed like Santa
nude Christmas carolers
urinating in public…
Let me watch her
At first I thought that their serving suggestion was pretty “out there”. I’m not much of a cook, so I was a little taken aback by their suggestion to take the baked beans and put them into a bowl.
I’ve never did it that way before, but I was feeling pretty adventurous, so I decided to give it a try.
And I’m glad I did! It was a great suggestion. It’s much less messy to eat out of a bowl than it is to eat the baked beans a handful at a time like I’ve been doing all these years.
Plus it’s seems hip and classy to be eating out of a bowl. I bet when James Bonds eats baked beans he uses a bowl too.
PS - And I’m not getting paid to write this. This is an unsolicited testimonial for the use of bowls while eating.
For about one month back when i was ten years old i took karate lessons. The “Karate Kid” movie just came out, plus I thought it would be great to be able to break boards and blocks of ice like I had seen those karate guys do on TV.
While I was on my way to my fifth lesson I walked past a K-mart and noticed that for the cost of just one lesson I could buy a nice hand saw and several ice cube trays with enough left over to buy a strip of fabric I could make into a belt of any color I wanted.
You better believe I quit all that karate crap in a big hurry!
I probably should have choose the plain black fabric, and not the one with the Bugs Bunny print on it for my belt. But, overall, I still think I ended up way ahead of the game.
I’ve been reading about “found art”. It’s pretty great - all you have to do is find something, give it a title and tell people it’s art. That’s all it takes. You become an instant artist.
A lot of found artists just look around junkyards to find thier next work of art.
I think I have a better place to find potential works of art- art museums. Most found artists overlook this excellent source.
It saves a lot of time doing it my way.
You can’t swing a dead cat in a museum without hitting stuff you can use in your own art.
Actually, doing just that got me banned from the Museum of Modern Art. I think they made too big a deal out of it. I mean the cat was already dead when i found it. I’s not like I was killing cats just so I could have something to swing in art museums.
Anyway, there still plenty of museums left for me to find stuff I can use.
Plus, as a bonus, most of the time the art is already in a frame. That saves you a couple hundred dollars right there.
Here’s my first work of found art. I call it “The Final Meal’
I was talking to a guy about a job in sales a few weeks ago. He said the job didn’t have an hourly wage. You just get a commission - for every car you sold you would get x amount of dollars.
He must have thought I was pretty stupid. I’m not good at math, but even I know that “x” isn’t a number.
Maybe in Rome it is, but here it’s just a letter.
