If you’re like me, you live in a pool of your own filth. So, like me, it takes a remarkable cleaning product to get your attention. Well friends, I found one.
It’s a chamois, but it’s so amazing that when they took the thing down to the patent office no one could even say what it was without being so amazed that they had to just call it Shamwow!
Their slogan is that you’ll “say WOW every time”. Other companies might suggest that the Shamwow people are cheating - I mean they did put the word “wow” right there in the product’s name. I suggest to you that they are just jealous that they didn’t think of it first.
Regardless, the Shamwow makes ordinary towels seem like a turd. Spill some milk on your counter? Might as well try to wipe it up with a handful of cat turds - because that’s exactly what you’re doing if you use anything but an authentic Shamwow!
In fact, the webpage even warns you to beware of Shamwow imitators. I’ve looked into some of them and trust me - there is no way the ShamNeat, ShamHuh or even the ShamNotBadAtAll can compare to the Shamwow.
I haven’t gotten mine in the mail yet, so anything I spill in the next three to four weeks is just going to have to sit there and wait until I can take care of it properly with a Shamwow. Actually, there are still several spills that have been here since before I even heard of the product. I’m going to wait on those too.
This is Vince. He’s wearing a high-tech microphone headset because he knows that the product is so great that people will be crowding the phone lines to order a Shamwow EVEN BEFORE THEY FINISH FILMING THE COMMERCIAL. It’s that good. People will be dialing numbers at random just hoping against hope that someone will answer who is able to sell them a Shamwow.
Vince is so dedicated to the product that he won’t even waste the time it would’ve taken him to comb his hair before going on television. Vince is solely dedicated to spreading the gospel of a better way to wipe things up.
The Shamwow isn’t cheap - it’s twenty dollars. But Vince wisely points out that “you’re going to spend twenty dollars EVERY MONTH on paper towels!”. I did some math and assuming you started buying paper towels at the age of 18 and you lived to the full life expectancy of someone living in the U.S over the course of your lifetime you’ll spend $13, 920 on paper towels! And that’s just if you stay single! For a family of four the lifetime paper towel expenses skyrocket up to $55, 680! How can you afford not to get the Shamwow!? Over the course of a lifetime Shamwow will save you enough money to buy yourself a nice trailer home!
You don’t have to just take Vince’s word for it either. They interviewed a guy at a car show and he said “If you have to wash a car you’d be out of your mind not to use a Shamwow”. At first, I thought that was just advertising hype. But I looked it up and sure enough it was listed in the DSM-IV (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders) as a good diagnostic tool. Check it out for yourself! It’s in the index under “Chamois :Improper use of”
In the webpage’s FAQ (bookmark it - you’ll thank me later) it tells us that you can “Cut it in half and you’ll have 2 towels”. I did some research on this too. While they don’t officially mention it on the webpage, I learned that if you cut those two towels you’ll then have four towels! Repeat, and you’ll have eight towels! Then sixteen! Carry on doing this and you’ll have an almost infinite number of increasingly smaller Shamwow towels! I know why they don’t mention this on the webpage. If someone tried cutting the towel down smaller than one Shamwow atom it might explode. I’m sure the people at Shamwow HQ didn’t want to be held liable for something like that.
But the Shamwow does come with a ten year warranty (or 36,000 miles)! How many of your ten year old used papers towels can you say that about ?
The Shamwow is made in Germany. I feel that creating a product this wonderful is Germany’s way of saying “I’m Sorry”. And while I can’t speak for the people who died in the Holocaust , (Well, - I guess I actually could speak for them, but when I’ve done so in the past a lot of the families complained) for me personally, I just want to tell Germany “Thank you - apology accepted - From now on we’ll call it even!”.
April 23, 2008 at 5:38 pm
wow, i thought this was a joke and it had me laughing REALLY really hard. then i had to google “shamwow,” just so i could see it. i’m fairly sure that that you’ve got me sold. [[:
April 26, 2008 at 12:19 pm
“the Shamwow makes ordinary towels seem like a turd”
I’m sold
May 9, 2008 at 11:50 pm
That was hilarious! Good work.
From Vince of Shamwow fame.
June 4, 2008 at 4:12 am
[...] back i wrote this http://sedatedape.com/2008/04/23/shamwow/ about these super towels I saw on TV. I’m still getting about a hundred hits a day from [...]
June 10, 2008 at 7:47 pm
In the commercial, Vince warns us of imitations. How am I supposed to know if Shamwow isn’t a SHAM of the real WOW being sold in Germany? I need some guidance here!
August 7, 2008 at 4:23 am
Ok , so I am a bit of a cheapskate, but if you spent $20 a month on paper towels that comes out to around 12 rolls a month or about 28 sheets a day so say you are home and awake 6 hours a day (8 hours sleep+10 hours work and travel) This beaks down to about one paper towel every 15 minutes. I did not know I had gotten so bad I don’t even use one a day. I am paper towel deficient