Archive for December, 2008
New Sponsor
December 30, 2008Believe it or…
December 20, 2008Tony’s Believe it or I’ll come down there and kick your ass in, you cynical prick!
(I’m not nearly as laid back as Ripley)
2nd Annual Christmas Rerun
December 20, 2008This is Christmas stuff I’ve posted here before, but decided to combine into one Christmas theme post, so you can all e-mail it, link to it, print off copies to nail to phone poles or just copy and paste it and tell people you came up with it on your own. Spread holiday cheer. Besides, unless you’ve read through all the stuff here you might have missed it. And wouldn’t that be a shame? Plus the letters are now colored green and red. If that ain’t festive I don’t know what is. (Seriously. I’m not good at that kinda thing.)
” You know how on Christmas carolers come and demand some Figgie pudding and say “they won’t go until they get some”? Well, they’re bluffing. After three days they give up an go home”
“I used to write poetry. I never was very good at it, but I am kinda proud that I’m the first poet to ever rhyme the words ”Christmas morn’” and “Granny Porn.”
“For a little while last December I thought I was God because someone sold me a Christmas tree.I had the saying wrong. Only God can MAKE a tree, but they’ll let pretty much anyone buy one. I really should start paying a little more attention to the world around me.”
“Christmas memory – I got a Nintendo system for Christmas right after they first came out. It was what I asked for, but the game seemed a lot more fun in the commercials. The game I got was called “Staring Contest”. You played against Walter Mondale, the idea was not to blink your eyes before he did. Years later my mother admitted that she just taped an 8″ by 10″ photograph of Mondale to the TV screen, and the “Nintendo” machine was really just a shoe box with a cat toy for the controller. Anyway, don’t ever get into a staring contest with Walter Mondale. He’s REALLY good at that game. I only won once in the whole time I had the game.”
“When I die I’m leaving my body to “Toys For Tots”. I think children all over the world will behave a whole lot better if they knew that if they were bad Santa might bring them a rotting corpse for Christmas.”
The earliest memory I have of Christmas is walking to the K-mart with my sister on Christmas eve to see Santa and ask him to bring me a fire truck . Sure enough, Christmas morning there was the fire truck I asked for, but by that time the fire had already burnt out on it’s own. In retrospect I probably should have asked him for a ambulance too, because my birthday isn’t until March
Hilarious word play!
December 7, 2008Have you noticed that the name “Barack” sounds a lot like the word “rock”? This can lead to a lot of hilarious word play on his name! Stuff like:
Between Barack and a hard place.
Barack Star
Can you smell what Barack is cooking?
The Barack-y horror picture show.
The opportunity to switch the word “ Barack” with the word “Rock” are almost endless!
Isn’t that the funniest thing ever?
The answer is: NO. It’s not funny. Not even a little bit. Stop saying stuff like that!
The man hasn’t even been sworn in yet and it’s already getting on my nerves.
Retail 101
December 7, 2008This is a screen capture from the snopes urban legend page.
As far as urban legends go this one is a real dud. Of course razor blades have been found amidst merchandise sold at a Wal-Mart store in Lewistown, Pennsylvania! Where else would they keep them? On the roof?
I really doubt there is a Wal-Mart anywhere in the world that doesn’t have razor blades amidst their merchandise. Most of the time they’re next to the shaving cream.
This is really more like “shopping advice” than urban legend.
Now I need a book deal
December 6, 2008Someone needs to offer me a book deal, because I just found the perfect quote for the book jacket.
I don’t know what would be INSIDE the book, but you can’t pass up a dust jacket quote like this one. And it’s probably the best thing anyone has ever said about this webpage.
Here it is: “Scary….maybe he is using the prison library computer? Prison is where they learn that stuff right?”
Is there such a thing as just getting a “book jacket deal”? That would probably be a lot easier.
The quote is from one of the old women in the pro-sodomy knitting club. I wrote about them a couple of weeks ago here.
Just something I drew
December 1, 2008
If you were my mother you would print it out and put it on the refrigerator. If you’re reading this and you are my mother, please don’t tell me. I’d rather not know.
