I don’t go to high school reunions. I hated being in school when I had to be there, I’m sure not going to go back now. That would be like if every five years I’d go back to the same poison oak patch I got into when I was a kid just to see if it’s any less unpleasant now than it was back then.
I wasn’t much of a student. Out of everyone in my senior class I was chosen as the student who had “most room for improvement”. When I went to pick up my award they told me it was just a gag prize, and it was meant to be more of an insult than an honor. I was stubborn though. I told them that if they don’t give me my award in the next thirty seconds someone was going to get their ass kicked. Finally they let me take a trophy that the track team won a few years previous just to get me to leave . So score one for me.
I was kind of an eccentric loner back then. People used to joke that one day they would see me on the news because I would end up in a clock tower picking off innocent bystanders with a high powered rifle. It’s funny how badly the misjudged me. Those fancy high powered rifles costs hundreds of dollars! There’s no way I could ever afford that!
Anyway – the only reason people go to those high school reunions is so they can brag about how great their lives turned out. I don’t have anything really impressive to brag about. I made a list of stuff :
-I haven’t knocked any one up yet
-Even though I’m only 35 years old and never asked for it, for some reason I get the free AARP magazine in the mail every month.
-I no longer wear acid wash jeans.
-I never got drunk and joined the army
-I now accept that Huey Lewis was mediocre at best.
-Public television is made possible by people like me. (But not me specifically)
-I passed my drivers test.
- Demento society membership
- I don’t smell much worse now than I did back then .
-I almost never get an erection in public anymore.
- I’m not bald
-I’m no longer afraid of Claymation.
- I finally figured out how to see the hidden images in those “magic-eye” posters.
That just doesn’t seem impressive enough to me.
