The Sedated Ape

Idea 1:  You know that show called Ghost Hunters where these two  plumbers go around looking for ghosts using tape recorders and stud finders? All of their finds are bullshit, by the way. A lot of the so-called ghosts they find are clearly just bits of undigested beef. And they always talk about how people in the house have seen full bodied apparitions, but they never seem to get one on camera while they were filming. I’m not even sure what a  full bodied apparition even is. I think it may be a PC way of saying “fat ghost”.  But, I digress …

Well, they had a spin-off called Ghost Hunter’s Academy. It’s like a reality show where they train people in the correct ways to look for ghosts. By basic cable standards the show was a hit. so I got an idea for a new show of my own. On my show I’ll teach people the best way to massage a leprechaun.  I’ll have the contestants practice on midgets dressed up like leprechauns, unless the midgets complain that it’s racist to dress them like that. If they  do, I guess I’ll use garden gnomes as a stand-in until they are able to find and relax real leprechauns.

Idea 2:  

Animal Pranks – I’m trying to sell this one to the Animal Planet network.

First you find a wounded looking animal like an gazelle or an antelope with a bad leg . Then you kill it, take it to a taxidermist and have it stuffed. Then you take the stuffed animal over into the wilds of Africa, set up a bunch of hidden cameras and wait. Can you imagine the look on some Lion’s face when he discovers that the meal he was looking forward to was really just hide and polyurethane form! It would be hilarious! Then we’d have Ashton Kucthner jump out from a tree and yell, “Hey Lion! You just got “animal punked!!!”. Then the lion would kill and eat him.

Actually the prank part isn’t vital to the show’s concept. Mostly I want to see a lion eat Ashton Kutchner, that’s the important part. I’d like to see more celebrities get eaten by wild animals. There isn’t enough of that. Sure a tiger tried to eat Roy of Siegfried & Roy, but that was like seven years ago. Then a monkey ate that woman’s face, but she wasn’t famous before the monkey, so that really doesn’t count either.