I have OCD, but it’s not a problem because I also have ADD. They cancel each other out. For example, every morning I feel like I need to wash my hands with anti-bacterial soap fifty times. But then I get distracted, forget about it and end up just watching television instead.
At the baseball stadium they have this thing called the “kiss cam”. The way it works it they put a bunch of couples on the jumbo-tron and they’re supposed to kiss. Every time they do it they show a really old couple and when they kiss everyone cheers really loud. I have no idea why they do this. What’s so great about seeing old people kiss on a giant TV? Is it supposed to be cute? Is everyone cheering extra loud because they thought that old people might have forgotten how to kiss? Or is it more of a “hey they’re old and their spouse hasn’t died yet. Good for them!” kinda thing? The whole thing just doesn’t make sense. If they changed the game and started having a “sex cam” between innings everyone would be ill and run for the door whenever an old couple were on camera. For some reason old people kissing = cute. Old people fucking = horrible, horrible nightmares.
Now that the health care bill has passed even the poorest people among us have access to the kind of medical care that can make sure that their poor, desperate miserable existence will slowly drag on as long as possible. I hope they appreciate it.
There was a guy on a talk radio show complaining about Obama because he didn’t get anything important done in his first 100 days. That seemed pretty harsh and unfair to me. I mean how much can you realistically expect an infant to accomplish?
There was this thing about endangered species on NPR. One of the guys they interviewed was complaining that there are only 3,200 tigers left in the world. He said it was a tragedy, but I’m not sure. How many tigers do we really need? They are pretty cool looking animals, I grant that. But they are also fierce man eating beasts who could kill you in about ten seconds. Luckily for us we outnumber them. Let’s not mess with a good thing. 3,200 sounds about right.
People say that all prison does is teach the prisoners how to be better criminals. It doesn’t seem like it would be a very good way to teach them that. If I ever want to become a good criminal I think I would try to choose someone who hasn’t already managed to get themselves arrested and locked to be my mentor. Prison is where they keep the criminals who are dumb enough to get caught. Why would you take their advice?
I used to dread 8th grade gym class. I hated that you had to undress in front of people and shower with everyone else. Then there would be all the stupid jokes and people snapping at you with wet towels. I guess most kids felt uncomfortable about the whole experience, but it seems to have been worse for those of us who were home schooled.
Today is the first day of the rest of your life. Unless it’s a leap year. Then it gets complicated.
Why would anyone ever choose to worship at a place called “The Temple Of Doom”?
Kissing booths seem to only exist on TV or in old movies. It’s a shame too, if they had those back when in high school that would’ve been the only possible thing that could’ve motivated me to get a part time job. I can understand why they don’t have them anymore though. If you think about it, kissing booths are really like ROTC for prostitutes.
Thing I’m most proud of: In my entire life I have never initiated a high five. And I certainly have never started or took park in that faggy “touching knuckles” thing.
April 12, 2010 at 7:56 pm
Dude, what do you do for a living??