The Sedated Ape

You know another show I never thought was funny? Schindler’s List. Would it have killed them to throw a pie?

serves 24

Of all the people Billy Joel mentions in the “We didn’t Start The Fire Song” only 7 1/2 are still alive. It was 81/2, but Sally Ride died this weekend.

I decided to give a half point to “Beatlemania” since Paul and Ringo are still around. I wasn’t sure if that should count or not. It was a judgement call, but I stand by my decision.

I’m 99% sure “U2″ refers to the spy plane, and not the band, so they don’t count.

The others who aren’t dead yet: Doris Day, The Queen of England, Brigitte Bardot, Fidel Castro, Chubby Checker, Bob Dylan and Bernie Goetz.

Someday, I’ll find out  how many people on the Sgt. Pepper cover are still alive.

Here is something that I wrote a long time ago that someone translated into French, then someone translated back into English:

“If they didn’t specifically, that would unravel the walk-over baskets in hand field.  I’m no cissy. In recollection, I gape if the other crew as a business of accomplishment knew there was a competition active on, or balanced that they were in keeping bark at of a baseball crew. In accomplishment I jeer at in the physiognomy of chance. I guess I jeer at the hardest when clowns are in chance. Assuming that it’s bright that the chance is directed at someone else and not me.”

I like that “I jeer at in the physiognomy of chance” part.  I don’t know what it means, but I like it a lot.

Movie review – I just saw the “Dark Knight Rises”. My favorite part was when no one shot me in the head.

Can’t wait for the sequel. I’ve already read the book for it – “The Sun Also Rises”. I guess they’ll have to rewrite a lot of it, because if I remember correctly in the novel Batman only had a very small  role. It was mostly about bull fighting. Maybe  Batman can beat up all the bulls, that would be pretty cool.

The lesson to be learned from Fred Willard: You can get ten times the about of press and publicity for taking out your dick in public than you can get from all of your five decades of show business work combined.

Every radio station has a “sexy” female DJ, that lonely guys call in requests to, and that the other DJs sexual harass (In a good natured, what passes for funny on the radio kind of way).

Never go online to find out what she really looks like. It will always be a disappointment. It’s usually pretty clear why she choose to seek a career in radio and opposed to television.

In England a while back  they had a whole week of celebrating the Queen’s 103^rd  anniversary as a meaningless figure-head. They had huge concerts, parties, parade- all week long with constant TV coverage all over the world, and at the end of it she said that she found all the events “humbling”.

I don’t think she knows what the word “humbling” means. When a whole country goes bat shit crazy over you for a week that’s the exact opposite of humbling. It would have humbling if she had her little party and everyone forgot to show up.

Who else even has jubilees? She has a whole noun all to herself! Humble people don’t have their own private nouns. Hallmark doesn’t even sell “Happy Jubilee” cards.

Meanwhile over here everyone got pissy and had a fit when the first lady mentioned that it would be good thing if there weren’t so many fat children. Maybe all of the president’s harshest critics aren’t bigots, but if you’re so anti-Obama that you’re willing to come out and defend childhood obesity just because the First Lady is against it… well, I think there is something more than a political bias going on there.

The Minnesota Twins have had two different mascots over the years-

The first one, the one on the left was named “Twinkie The Loon”. The current one, on the right is named “TC Bear”.

So over the years they’ve had a twink and a bear as their mascots. I think the people of Minnesota might be trying to tell us something.

Ps- stay tuned for the story of how I almost got in a fist fight with AA baseball mascot!

(It’s okay for me to make jokes like this because I’m probably already going to Hell anyway)